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What
would you consider a lucky day? Well I bet most of you would think the day
you won the big state lottery. You know one of those days you sit in front
of the TV and watch the
nightly news section where the little balls spin around and drop out. Okay
folks, the lucky numbers are 6, 22, 40, 28, 9, 35, and the Powerball is 7.
You sit there on pins and needles watching each ball drop checking your
ticket in anticipation only to find out you did not have one darn number!
Better luck next time you tell yourself as you rip the ticket up and throw
it away.
Today
was my lucky day. It started out with going to a local church to enjoy the
service and afterward to partake in their coffee hour. During this coffee
hour I got to share along with another woman from my church our experience
of going to Slidell Louisiana and helping the Hurricane Victims. It was
awesome to share with these folks how they can help by going there or by
even helping from a distance.
But
the most luckiest part of the day was afterwards when I called a good
friend to go to lunch with me. As we stood in line for our seat, we just
gabbed and gabbed like girlfriends do and get caught up on the latest
events in our life including the dating scene, since we are both single.
As
lunch was served we were continued to share stories. Now this good friend
of mine has been there with me for the last two and half years of my life,
including the time when I was in the relationship with the alcoholic. The
subject of my daughter came up. Now to bring you up to speed, I had moved
to New York for a better career in January 2004, and to be closer the
special man in my life with which the relationship had come to an end.
My daughter came with me at the time. My one son was to be a senior
in high school and wanted to finish school in Pennsylvania, and my other
son was in college. So for their mom to move further away was hard but not
as hard as moving my daughter who was 12 from her friends, family, and the
school she knew all her life.
This
past summer she made the decision to move back to Pennsylvania to live
with her dad and to be able to go to school with her friends and be with
her family. So now instead of her living with me and going to her dad’s every other weekend, the roles
are reversed. She lives with her dad and comes to see me when it fits her
schedule.
I
face loneliness without her and her brothers here. I have allowed the
apron strings to be cut way too soon. My decision to come here to New York
had all good intentions, but went awry. I gave up so much for a hope and a
dream. Have you done that? I ask you, have you found you gave up so much
in your relationship for another human being? Have you found yourself
watching the lotto of life only to have another ticket ripped up and
thrown away?
But
as you read this, you might ask, “But you said today was your lucky
day!” I say yes because today, my friend helped me to see. Yes I had
done all of this and yes it may have been a mistake—or shall we say a
lesson learned. But take hold Robin, it is your lucky day! You have
found yourself and who you truly are and what really counts in life. It is
my family that counts. It is my daughter and sons who count. She may be at
a distance, but now is the time to take hold and make amends.
I
said to myself, “Be creative. Seek out the answers to how you and her
can be close once again. When she comes to see you, have the weekend
revolve around you and your daughter. Yes you may be dating again, but if
this man cares for you he will understand the time that is needed with
your daughter. Don’t shove another person in your daughter’s face.”
Hmm
in the past, I was consumed with the relationship and pleasing the
alcoholic. Doing everything to make sure the relationship would survive. I
would have to honestly say today, I had given up precious time with my
family in the past, to be with the alcoholic. Again that “addicted”
power had overcome me.
To
sum up the winnings of today, I am a winner because I have close friends
who I now spend time with who have supported me all along through thick
and thin. They did not toss me to the sea. They were always there to pick
me up when the next wave crashed. They
have hugged me and dried my tears, but most of all, they are honest with
me and help me to continue to see the light. They keep me on the happy
path. They help me keep my life in perspective.
In
all our excitement of winning a lottery we always call someone to share.
Tonight, the first call was to my daughter. “ Honey how are you? I miss
you! What would you like to do special this coming weekend?”
I
ask you as you finish reading this, what makes you feel lucky today? As
you struggle with all you are feeling being in an alcoholic
relationship—or better yet—lucky enough to have made the decision to
move on, what is it that you can rejoice about and feel lucky about?
Now
my therapist would tell me, “Do not be a mind reader, Robin, none of us
can be that.” But I will take a stab at it and say, “Bet you feel
pretty darn lucky that you are truly now seeking and finding who you
are!”
Happy
Recovery! May you have many more lucky days ahead
--Robin
Walters, January 8, 2006 |
